Vigorous Anonymity

So it’s time…

Posted on: December 28, 2011

…for me to start this back up again.  I wish it was because I’m all happy and cheery and want to share the goodness, but, alas…no.  I am writing again in the aftermath of a series of medical traumas that my husband has gone through, and the resulting way that our lives have changed.  I’m just going to be jumping in with both feet here.  The writing is for me.  I don’t expect anyone else to read it or understand it, but little by little I imagine the whole story will be told.

Jackass had a series of grand mal seizures, from August to mid-November, and after 3 months of tests was diagnosed with a fistula in his brain.  It has a real name, which I don’t want to write down, lest a google search should lead someone back here.  Like I said, this writing is for me, and I need it to stay that way.

Anyway, the fistula caused irritation in the brain, which set off the seizures, which inevitably left him with some damage.  Speech issues, cognitive issues, memory lapses.  Physically, he’s the same.  The fistula was embolized – twice.  And the doctors think that within three months the swelling will be reduced and the  problems he is having will right themselves.  I am less certain.

He has good days and bad.  Today, not so good.  He woke up belligerent and frustrated, and has argued with me over everything.  How much water to put in the coffee pot, whether or not to put the Christmas tree lights on…just stupid stuff because that is the focus of his days.  Gone is the intelligent, driven professional, and in his place is this man who is withdrawn, depressed and probably terrified.  He is not alone.

I’ve been on family leave since December 1st, but that ends in a week and a half.  Going back to work full-time on January 9 and I’m not sure how we will manage.  But I have to go back at some point, and I don’t see things changing dramatically from one week to the next.

So that’s that.  The whole story needs telling, but I’m not there yet.  But I feel better already having written that much of it down.

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5 Responses to "So it’s time…"

So, I’m glad you posted this. I don’t got on FB that much and I’ve seen a few of your posts and I’ve been worried and wondering what was up. But since we haven’t talked in forever, I thought it would be inappropriate to ask what was going on.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. All I can offer is an ear to listen and hugs from afar.

Ah, I am sorry. It sounds like the movie Regarding Henry come to life. Unlike the movie, I think he will come right after a few months, like the doctors say.

I saw my husband have a seizure once. It is tiresome to be so understanding and be met with that cranky frustrated reaction. And I know how shallow that sounds, but that’s how it is.

I’m so so sorry to hear that.

Thanks ladies! I honestly didn’t expect anyone to read this. Queen, it’s just like Regarding Henry – in fact I watched it while he was in the hospital and got very depressed. And yeah, seizures are no fun to watch.

KJ, you can ask anything. And hey – I finally went to the dentist.

I’m glad to hear from you and sorry to hear this.

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  • None
  • TheQueen: Yeah, perhaps next year suggest you ALL just skip the adult gifts and focus on the little ones. I'm sure you won't miss it!
  • kristabella: Yay! You're back!
  • Shania Ring: Out of all of that, the only thing in my head is 20?!? Twenty? I remember a little boy in middle school when I first started reading you. Are you SURE
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