Vigorous Anonymity

Better Than Even

Posted on: September 10, 2009

Today I am tooth-pain free.  It’s a Interwebz miracle!

Whatever good mojo you all sent me, keep sending it.  It’s better than Percoset.  And it doesn’t make me constipated.

You know, of course, that if one of my kids had a toothache I would make them immediately go to the dentist.  I’m just screwed up in the head about my own mouth.  Besides, it’s crowded in their, what with my own foot in it most of the time.  I don’t have room for a handful of…hands.


So I gotta tell you what’s going on tomorrow night.  And Saturday.

This weekend is Jackass’ 40th high school reunion.  40!  Yeah, I know, only dirt is older.

We have an arrangement.  He doesn’t go to my reunions, and I don’t go to his.  I think this is a swell arrangement for two reasons:

  1. Jackass and The First Wife went to high school together and the one and only time I went to one of his reunions I had to endure her presence AND the snide looks from their former classmates as they sized me up and down all night; and
  2. I don’t want Jackass following me around at mine while I talk to guys I had crushes on in high school who wouldn’t give me the time of day, but now find me charming and cute.  (Ricky C. I’m talking about YOU!)

Jackass went to high school not far from where we live.  Many of his classmates have, however, moved to other states, and so they’ll be coming in to spend the weekend at a local hotel that is sponsoring the reunion.  I recommended to Jackass that he get himself a room there too, for Saturday night, so he could drink himself into a stupor and not have to drive home.  And so he did.

I am thrilled with this whole thing.  First, I’m not going to his frigging high school reunion (a room COMPLETELY FULL OF 63 YEAR OLDS!), second, I get to sleep in my own bed instead of the spare one, and three, I am going to a Rock Band party (Beatles!  YAY!) Saturday and don’t have to worry about what time I get home.  This is a win win win for me.

Then another event unfolded.  One of Jackass’ friends – who he hasn’t seen since 1964 – is coming in from California on Friday and wants their group of friends to get together.  I don’t know how many the “group” consists of but Jackass is so psyched he can’t stand himself.  This required yet another night at the hotel (again…drunken stupor.  Again…me in my own bed!) which I wholeheartedly supported.

And then the boom was lowered.  My presence was requested.  By the friend.  Who not only asked Jackass to ask me…nay to beseech me…he actually finagled my cell number from Jackass and called me himself to beg me.  WTF?  This guy has no idea who I am, except that I broke up the marriage of Jackass and The First Wife (who he obviously knew from high school!) and he needs to meet me so much he’s begging?

Is it just me or does anyone else see this ending badly?

I have been left with no alternative.  I’m going to meet the “group” Friday night.  Who wants to take odds on whether or not the “group” includes The First Wife?


3 Responses to "Better Than Even"

I say you strut on in there with your fine self, dazzle everyone and then beat feet. Since JA is staying there, you can leave whenever you want. You could drop a little tidbit like “oh my! look at the time. My mensa club meeting starts shortly. Ta ta!”

I wish my husband had a first wife. Maybe I could talk her into taking him back.


1) Go to the damn dentist, WOMAN!

2) 63 year olds? Um, if he was 17 or 18 when he graduated high school, 40 years later would make him 57 or 58. Did your hubby take awhile to graduate high school?

3) I think it is nice that the friend wants to include you. You’ll have fun. Maybe friend HATED First Wife and is so glad he’d not with her anymore! Also, always remember you got him. She lost him. You shouldn’t worry about her and her friends. You get to be the smug bitch because he’s yours.

Glad the tooth feels better, but you know, that’s not gonna last, right? *ducks*

I think it Friday nights gathering will be fabulous BECAUSE you are there.

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  • None
  • TheQueen: Yeah, perhaps next year suggest you ALL just skip the adult gifts and focus on the little ones. I'm sure you won't miss it!
  • kristabella: Yay! You're back!
  • Shania Ring: Out of all of that, the only thing in my head is 20?!? Twenty? I remember a little boy in middle school when I first started reading you. Are you SURE
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