Vigorous Anonymity

Weekend Update

Posted on: September 14, 2009

When we last saw our heroine, she was bemoaning the need to attend this.  She received many encouraging comments and emails, including some from KJ who told her to suck it up and enjoy herself at the pseudo-reunion.

So let me bring you up to date.

Friday was a very long day at the office, but I was buoyed by the fact that I would be meeting Damn Girl for drinks directly afterwards, and then, once I had gotten my light on, I would go to the pseudo-reunion with a bit of a buzz, and make it through.  I was actually looking forward to the whole thing.

Damn Girl and I had a great time, even if I had to limit myself to two drinks so I could drive to my next location.  It was a nasty night; rainy, foggy, and cold.  I was going to a hotel I had never been that is kind of hard to get to because it’s at the intersection of a couple of main highways and you have to get off this highway, get on that highway, stay right, stay left and voila!  You have arrived.

Unfortunately, my GPS (who we, of course, refer to as Maggie) wants me dead, so she waited until I’d passed the exit before telling me to TAKE the exit.  So that happened.  Luckily, the next exit was only 1.5 miles away (the next exit after that?  New York City) so I could make a U-turn.  Maggie’s directions told me to take the U-turn, then take the next exit and make another U-turn and then get back on the highway and take the exit I should have taken the first time.  Because she wants me dead.

I took the first exit and was in the parking lot of the hotel.  I glared at Maggie a moment and asked her what the fuck all those U-turns were about, but she didn’t answer me.  She just kept telling me to make the next legal U-turn.  Instead of doing that, I parked the car and got out.  Fucking Maggie.

I’d been on the phone with Jackass periodically during my trip, to find out where exactly he was.  He was just finishing up dinner, he said, and explained where that was.  Like many hotels, the restaurant in this one is right out in the middle of the lobby, separated only by some plastic plants and a couple of risers.  I walked in (looking fabulous if I do say so myself) and looked over toward the dining area, and gasped.  It was a sea of white hair.  There was not a diner there who was under 63.  I would never find Jackass!

Luckily, he found me.  He had a cup of coffee in his hands (because they had just finished eating) and then he started introducing me to the White Hairs.  Someone called me Chelsea.  At least 3 women looked at me and then at Jackass with a puzzled expression and said, “Is this The First Wife?”

No, numb-twat, it’s not.  But that left me to pondering just how old I look that I could be mistaken for a 63 year old woman.

I stood around, being introduced to people who neither knew who I was nor cared, feeling my buzz disintegrate, and growing irritable.  FINALLY, Jackass looked at his cup of coffee and asked out loud, “Why am I drinking this?  Let’s go to the bar.”

THANK GOD!  So we meandered over to the bar en masse, but for reason I cannot explain we didn’t actually GO IN THE BAR.  We just stood outside of it – sans drinks – for about 15 minutes.  A large group of white haired people (and me!) looking like they had a purpose for walking over this direction but unable to remember what it was.

The minutes tick by.  My buzz is now completely gone.  So is my good humor.  And then it happened.

I looked around me at one point when Jackass was talking to the guy who thought my name was Chelsea, and there she was.

People, I had tried so very hard to avoid this scenario.  I did NOT want to put myself in this position.  I did not want to put ANYONE in this position.  And yet there she was.  The First Wife.

I think I audibly gasped, and Jackass turned my way and I muttered, “The First Wife is here.  I’m leaving.”  He blinked at me and then saw her, and then swore a little and just nodded in my direction.

He understood.  I had purposely not wanted to come to this thing because I didn’t want to be in her presence.  And it’s HER reunion, not mine, and honestly, although I’m not nearly this good-hearted, I didn’t want her to have to be in my presence.  And I definitely didn’t want to give the White Hairs the opportunity to spend a night glancing back and forth waiting for the cat-fight.

So, without getting a single glass of wine, and without getting to talk to the 3 people that I had actually wanted to say hello to that night, I kissed Jackass and marched purposefully out the front door, got in my car, called Damn Girl and ranted all the way home.

Did we take any odds as to whether or not she’d be there?  Because I think someone totally owes me money.

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7 Responses to "Weekend Update"

The reason they were doing double takes is because there is NO WAY you could have been first wife, what with looking so hawt and all!

It really was very kind of you to be considerate of her feelings. That’s just an awkward situation for everyone.

Wow, that sucks! I’m sorry you had such a bad time! Did you meet the friend that invited you?

Now I feel like an ass for telling you to suck it up when you were right all along. You win.

Well, rats! I was looking forward to seeing the cat fight. My money was on you! 🙂

So THIS is where you’ve run off to! I’ve been wondering!! Thanks for resurfacing, SSG promises she won’t tell a soul ; ) But I’m glad you swung by my new little place and gave me a shout out. I’m sorry you had such a bad time at this thing–I’m with meno, my money would totally have been on you.

Awkward! You did the kind thing, very classy of you.

Fuck a duck. But Have the T-Shirt is right. You were the classy one.

[…] wore it to work last Friday, because I was planning to go to that pseudo-reunion and it looks really cute with a nice pair of jeans (also bought from Chico’s.  They call […]

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  • None
  • TheQueen: Yeah, perhaps next year suggest you ALL just skip the adult gifts and focus on the little ones. I'm sure you won't miss it!
  • kristabella: Yay! You're back!
  • Shania Ring: Out of all of that, the only thing in my head is 20?!? Twenty? I remember a little boy in middle school when I first started reading you. Are you SURE
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