Vigorous Anonymity

The Real Reason Women Suffer From Penis Envy

Posted on: September 28, 2009

I’m getting a little tired of being thrown under the bus because I have breasts.

Case in point.

About 6 months ago, we had decided that it might be time to look for a new car for Jackass.  The van he’s been driving has 118,000 miles on it and is starting to feel every one.  The engine is fine, but nothing else works.  The door locks don’t work, the intermittent windshield wipers don’t work, the rear doors don’t close properly…I could go on indefinitely.  It’s a big electrical nightmare.

Now the problem with car shopping is twofold.  First, our credit isn’t great, so we need to find a dealership that will work with us on that.  Second, Jackass doesn’t shop.  He expects me to do that, and somehow drive two cars home at once.  Because I’m magic.

So I had the idea that we might get another Hyundai.  I love my Sonata, and there’s a dealership not too far from where we both work.  I called them on my lunchhour one day and explained our situation – including the credit issues.  (Big mistake, as it turns out, but I like to be upfront.)  The salesman asked me to come in the next day on my lunch hour.  And so I did.

Now, I’m pretty sure a lot of people say, “Yeah I’ll come in tomorrow.”  And I’m pretty sure a lot of people don’t show up tomorrow.  It’s the nature of sales and car sales in particular.  But I showed up.  Just when I said I would.  And the salesman let me drive a Santa Fe and I loved it, and I asked him if we could look at the numbers, including what he could give us for the trade-in.

They offered me $500 for the van.  The Blue Book value is $5,000, so yeah.  Strike #1.  I thought to myself, we can sell it ourselves, so I let that go.  And then set down to talking about the financing.

And then he lowered the boom.  In order to work up the financing, go to the banks, etc., he wanted a $2,000 deposit.  Totally refundable, he said in his defense, but they couldn’t do that much work on my behalf if I wasn’t serious about buying the car, and my deposit would ensure I was.

I just blinked at him.  And then I said, “Let me get this straight.  You want me to pay you for doing your job?”

He responded with, “Candy, you’re not thinking about this the right way.  You’ll get your money back if we can’t help you.”

And I just laughed and said “One of is definitely not thinking about this the right way.  But since I’m leaving here with my $2,000 intact, I think it might be you.”  And I walked out.  And he let me.

Fast forward to last week.  Jackass’ van is even worse now, and the need for a replacement is imminent.  But instead of financing it, Jackass thought we should take a loan from his pension (at 3.9% interest, which we would never get from a dealer) and pay cash.  I jumped on board.  And did the research and came up with a list of cars we could choose from.  Last Friday night, Jackass and I were going to go to 3 dealers, and drive some cars.  We were going to look at the Hyundai Santa Fe (again!), the Subaru Forester, and the Mitsubishi Outlander.

There are several Hyundai dealers in the area, but the closest one was the jerk I dealt with before.  All we were planning to do was see the car, let Jackass drive it, and move along.  So we went there.

And Jackass declared himself in love and he wanted THAT car, and didn’t want to look at any OTHER cars.  Have I mentioned he’s a lousy shopper?

And then we sat down to negotiate.  I had done all the research, so I asked all the pertinent questions while Jackass just sat there looking ominous.  I asked about the warranty, and the dealership specials that were going on, and the difference in price between the trim options, etc.

And then the salesman and Jackass started negotiating the price.

They offered Jackass $2,000 more for the van than they offered me.  When we told them we were paying cash for the vehicle, they offered us a financing deal at the same rate as the pension loan WITHOUT RUNNING OUR CREDIT!!!

While I was thrilled that it all came together for us, in the end I was actually livid.  I would have bought the damned car 6 months earlier – in the height of the auto industry collapse – if they had just dealt with me the way they dealt with Jackass.

I am sickened that we ended up buying it there, but I suppose since the deal was good for us, I need to get over that.  But I swear, it’s days like this I wish I was a hermaphrodite.


6 Responses to "The Real Reason Women Suffer From Penis Envy"

This is exactly why I hate car shopping….as a women you so often get a lousy deal.

I SO feel you on this one. I have the pleasure of shopping for half million dollar pieces of heavy equipment – without a penis!! You simply would not believe some of the things I’ve had said to me.

My goodness, I just don’t know how we even manage to find our way to the dealer, what with being all estrogen filled and all.

I refuse to even go into a car dealer without a copy of the invoice from the interwebs. They usually quiet right down when i show it to them. Bastards!

I’ve leased our last 4, no make that 5 cars myself. And I’m always sure Mr. Hot could get a better deal, but he refuses to go with me.

Maybe a sock in your pants? And a tight bandage around those boobs? 😉

Having worked at a car dealership for 5 years I have some insight. First never deal with the salesman who comes up to you first. There SCUM, LEACHES who would rip there own mother off.. Seen it done. Second find yourself a dealership with a female salesperson. They do exist but honestly when it comes to female salespeople Men should stay away, they bat there eyelashes and guys become putty in there hand. You don’t need to shop around if you go in armed. Know what invoice is on the car, easily found on edmunds and other sites. Always know what your trade is worth, granted most people over value there trade but thats ok, dealerships can make you feel good by not taking any money or little money they make off the sticker and say its the trade for your old POS. Also KBB is useless for determining your trade value because almost no dealer uses Kelly anymore.

Now the whole financing issue. If you even hint to the salesperson that your credit is quasi bad, they hit you for cash down. If you walk in there with swagger drop a stack of bills on the desk they are going to bend over backwards to try and make money off getting you financing. Yes dealers make LOTS of money when they finance, banks line up and hand over envelopes of cash to sales managers who stear x number of customers to there bank. The whole 2k down was probably so they could shop a deal or just go with drive financial. Drive financial SCUM of the earth.. When our dealership dealt with them it was 1k down and they would finance everyone. Granted they financed a couple of people at 32% and hid it, the people were happy they were getting financed and neglected to look at the fine print that for the next 7 years they were paying 32% for 7 years, but they were happy they had a 350 a month payment on a new car.

I could go on and on, but this is your blog not mine 🙂

There used to be this show on A&E called King of Cars. I learned so much from that show and how shady car salesmen are. And how WILLING they are to budge, as long as you stay strong and let them know you know all their games.

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  • TheQueen: Yeah, perhaps next year suggest you ALL just skip the adult gifts and focus on the little ones. I'm sure you won't miss it!
  • kristabella: Yay! You're back!
  • Shania Ring: Out of all of that, the only thing in my head is 20?!? Twenty? I remember a little boy in middle school when I first started reading you. Are you SURE
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