Vigorous Anonymity

America’s Least Convenient Bank

Posted on: September 30, 2009

Dear Bank::

We have loved our time with you.  It’s hard to say that about a bank, but I say it proudly.  I have even converted a few non-believers in my time as one of your customers.  You have, without question, been the most convenient of all the banks I’ve ever known.  You’re open on Sundays!  You clear all checks within 24 hours.  You’ll even cash a check for more than I have in my account…sometimes…if I get the right teller.

And then the unthinkable happened.  You merged with a “less convenient bank”.  And my world has tilted on its axis.

Gone are the quick clearing checks!  Now you hold them forever – even when they’re government checks.  Gone are the friendly tellers who just want to please and in place of them are the robots who stamp NO MONEY FOR YOU on their foreheads and decline every request.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, though, it did.  Your on-line banking system changed, and while I used to be able to see the name of every vendor presented via my debit card, now it takes you 4 days to input that info.  4 days???  Do you know the damage that can be done to someone’s checking account in 4 DAYS??

But today was the kicker.  Today is the 30th.  Today is payday.  Today is “direct deposit day”.  And yet, when I checked my balance on-line today, no direct deposit was listed.  I called your 800 number, but continuously received a “Your call cannot be completed at this time.” message.  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one dismayed!

Finally, I got through!  To the bitchiest bitch I have ever had to deal with at the bank.

Her:  “Your direct deposit will be available after 4pm.”

Me:  “But that’s unacceptable.  That’s an entire business day.  You can’t just hold onto a direct deposit for a full day.”

Her:  “You’ll have your direct deposit after 4pm.”

Me:  “4PM is too late in the day for most of the on-line bills I pay.  If I don’t pay them by 3pm they post on the next day, hence they are late!  This isn’t right!”

Her:  “Look, ma’am, we upgraded our computer systems over the weekend.  Your direct deposit will be available after 4pm.”

Me:  “Are you telling me this is a one-time thing?  Next time, it will be back to normal?”

Her:  (heaving great sigh) “Yes.”

Me:  “Well you might have told me that in the first place, instead of giving me attitude.  Can I have your name please?”

Her:  (click)

So, convenient bank, we are at a crossroads.  Either things improve or I must leave you.  I am saddened to the core.


She who doesn’t like change when it’s not for the better.


4 Responses to "America’s Least Convenient Bank"

Is this Washington Mutual and Chase? Because while I like that Chase has more ATMs in Chicago, I miss the small-town feel of WaMu.

Because it is THEIR issue, they shouldn’t charge you any overdraft fees because it should have been in there last night.

Teller Nazis. “No money for you!”

Credit Unions. I switched after my bank became the biggest bank failure ever, and the new bank……..sucked.

Banks suck.

Signed, a former banker.

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  • None
  • TheQueen: Yeah, perhaps next year suggest you ALL just skip the adult gifts and focus on the little ones. I'm sure you won't miss it!
  • kristabella: Yay! You're back!
  • Shania Ring: Out of all of that, the only thing in my head is 20?!? Twenty? I remember a little boy in middle school when I first started reading you. Are you SURE
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