Vigorous Anonymity

I’m Raising Lillies

Posted on: October 16, 2009

I read this over at Pioneer Woman today, while I was having my lunch.  And as I scrolled down my soup spoon just got suspended in mid-air while my jaw dropped.  I was agog!

Look at those sweet little boys…doing work.  Driving a vehicle!  Driving it in reverse!  Are you serious???  What are those kids, 7 and 8???

This is proof that all children need to be raised on farms of some sort.  We should have the option to send them to farms to be raised by people that no how to properly utilize young children, instead of plopping them down in front of a television and putting a Playstation controller in their hands.  Just think how useful your children would be when you got them back!

Case in point, Ingrid took her car to school with her this year.  Yesterday, I got a call from her.

Ingrid:”Mom, something’s wrong.  I left for Target with half a tank of gas and when I got home my gas light was on!  It’s only 10 minutes away!”

Me:  “Well maybe you didn’t have as much gas as you thought you had.”

Ingrid:  “No, Mom, there’s a big puddle of oily rainbow colored stuff under the car.”

Me:  “Oh.”  (to self, fuck.)

So her car has some sort of leak of some sort of fluid but since we’re not there to see it, smell it, touch it, fix it, we are relying on Ingrid to do so.  And she’ll have to get it fixed, because if it is indeed gas it won’t be a good idea to drive it all the way out here.

I explain she’ll have to call around and try to find a repair shop and then take it there.  And her brain exploded, and there was much crying and rending of clothing.  She called one place, and it turned out to be a tire center, and the guy there told her “That car is a walking time bomb, you shouldn’t even be driving it.”  So that ended any and all self-involvement by Ingrid.

I ended up having to call some places, and then had to tell her what to do.  Right down to giving her directions (the place is two blocks from her school).

But I’m pretty sure if Pioneer Woman had raised that kid, she’d not only know how to get it fixed, she’d have the hood open and a dipstick in her hand when she called me.

No, not that kind of dipstick…you people are sick…


5 Responses to "I’m Raising Lillies"

I’m always amazed what the PW’s kids do too. They get up before the crack of dawn to work cattle and shit.

PW gives them donuts, but I’m tellin’ ya, TJ? Even the promise of donuts wouldn’t get him up before noon.

I feel for you re: Ingrid’s car. It’s so hard when they’re away at school and stuff like that happens.

I dunno, Amy helped me clean bridles and shit yesterday and we don’t have a farm. I was a little stunned. I’ll be happier once I’ve taught her to actually ride the horses though, that way I can just not think about cars.

(she also helps stack wood and carry it inside, picks up sticks, helps with the feeding and can make a mess 10x the size of her body. probably helps we’re bringing her up in the country)

If it makes her feel any better, I know a guy–an adult–who kept driving his car after he smelled gas around it rather than calling for a tow or some such more reasonable thing. The result was its engine catching on fire in front of his kids’ elementary school (and ours), him pulling over and running into the school office, yelling at them to call 911 while he grabbed their fire extinguisher and ran back out.

Porsche toast is an expensive snack.

When I saw The Pioneer Woman’s post, I thought the same thing. My youngest sister is 12 years younger than me, and I practically have to do everything for her. If she is in trouble, I’ll make all the calls and go with her to fix the problem. I think I am probably hurting her more than helping her. But as a big sister, I can’t help myself. It’s probably worse as a parent.

P.S. She also does stupid things too. Recently, she ran over a pipe. Her car was making funny noises. She actually drove a while and on the highway before she stopped. Argh!

See, my mom would have been all “you’re on your own! You chose to live that far away from home, YOU figure it out.”

And now it is why I am so self-sufficient. Except when I need to make corn on the cob or hard boiled eggs and have to call my mom because I don’t remember how to cook either.

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  • None
  • TheQueen: Yeah, perhaps next year suggest you ALL just skip the adult gifts and focus on the little ones. I'm sure you won't miss it!
  • kristabella: Yay! You're back!
  • Shania Ring: Out of all of that, the only thing in my head is 20?!? Twenty? I remember a little boy in middle school when I first started reading you. Are you SURE
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