Posted September 22, 2010on:
Last night, I decided to forego my usual sleep aid, Benadryl, just to see if I could fall asleep without it. I do that every once in a while, just to prove I can. Just like every once in a while, I’ll go a weekend without wine. Just to prove I’m not an alcoholic.
I was asleep in 5 minutes. I guess. All I remember is being asleep when I realized my phone was vibrating. At 12:22. It was Ingrid.
I haven’t given many updates on Ingrid, but for those of you who’ve been around, you know she has always been a challenge for me. But things have been better since she’s been away at college. She’s a junior now, and she is actually having moments of sanity and maturity, albeit they are quickly washed away in the onslaught of a broken hair straightener, or the fact that I ran out of milk. But things are better.
She is still calling me daily. And texting. A lot. But it’s ok, it’s the rhythm we’ve fallen into and when I don’t hear from her, I actually wonder why and if she’s ok. I don’t call her, however. I ain’t no chopper mom.
So when the phone rang at 12:22 I sighed and silently damned her for waking me, and answered the phone. And was hit with the full breadth of her hysterical crying, and could not understand a word she was saying. It took her a full five minutes to calm down enough to say these words: “Mom, David died!”
Now I have to tell you who David is. Sometime in the beginning of this year, she was “introduced” to a guy, via her roommate’s brother. I use the word introduce in quotes because she never actually met him. Not in the flesh. But, for the last nine months they have spoken daily, sometimes more than once a day, and have been having an online relationship that has been both confidence-building for my daughter who has always struggled with self-esteem issues, and debilitating as he wasn’t always that kind or that reliable. I secretly hoped many times he would just go away and leave her alone. But I didn’t count on it happening this way.
The story goes: She spoke to him sometime Monday. He was wasted. They might have fought, but then they did that a lot. Tuesday came and went and she didn’t hear from him and he wasn’t answering his phone. At midnight, she went on Facebook before going to bed, went to his page to leave him a message, and saw dozens of “Rest in Peace, David” comments. She lost her mind, called me, and sobbed for half an hour.
She didn’t know anyone in his life, not really, and had no way to find out what had happened. All she knew was he was gone.
By 2AM she was calling me again, this time having gotten in touch with someone who knew what had happened. A seizure. When he was alone in the house. And that’s all we know.
The people in our lives all react somewhat dubiously to the power of an online/phone only relationship, but you and I know it’s real. All of you have come into contact with people here or elsewhere on the web who have touched you, and whose loss would affect you. Deeply and truly.
I am very worried about my girl. How does a 20 year old bounce back from losing someone…someone who she was making plans with, to see, to touch, to kiss. And now none of that will happen.
Rest in peace, David.