Vigorous Anonymity


Posted on: September 22, 2010

Last night, I decided to forego my usual sleep aid, Benadryl, just to see if I could fall asleep without it.  I do that every once in a while, just to prove I can.  Just like every once in a while, I’ll go a weekend without wine.  Just to prove I’m not an alcoholic.

I was asleep in 5 minutes.  I guess.  All I remember is being asleep when I realized my phone was vibrating.  At 12:22.  It was Ingrid.

I haven’t given many updates on Ingrid, but for those of you who’ve been around, you know she has always been a challenge for me.  But things have been better since she’s been away at college.  She’s a junior now, and she is actually having moments of sanity and maturity, albeit they are quickly washed away in the onslaught of a broken hair straightener, or the fact that I ran out of milk.  But things are better.

She is still calling me daily.  And texting.  A lot.  But it’s ok, it’s the rhythm we’ve fallen into and when I don’t hear from her, I actually wonder why and if she’s ok.  I don’t call her, however.  I ain’t no chopper mom.

So when the phone rang at 12:22 I sighed and silently damned her for waking me, and answered the phone.  And was hit with the full breadth of her hysterical crying, and could not understand a word she was saying.  It took her a full five minutes to calm down enough to say these words:  “Mom, David died!”

Now I have to tell you who David is.  Sometime in the beginning of this year, she was “introduced” to a guy, via her roommate’s brother.  I use the word introduce in quotes because she never actually met him.  Not in the flesh.  But, for the last nine months they have spoken daily, sometimes more than once a day, and have been having an online relationship that has been both confidence-building for my daughter who has always struggled with self-esteem issues, and debilitating as he wasn’t always that kind or that reliable. I secretly hoped many times he would just go away and leave her alone.  But I didn’t count on it happening this way.

The story goes:  She spoke to him sometime Monday.  He was wasted.  They might have fought, but then they did that a lot.  Tuesday came and went and she didn’t hear from him and he wasn’t answering his phone.  At midnight, she went on Facebook before going to bed, went to his page to leave him a message, and saw dozens of “Rest in Peace, David” comments.  She lost her mind, called me, and sobbed for half an hour.

She didn’t know anyone in his life, not really, and had no way to find out what had happened.  All she knew was he was gone.

By 2AM she was calling me again, this time having gotten in touch with someone who knew what had happened.  A seizure.  When he was alone in the house.  And that’s all we know.

The people in our lives all react somewhat dubiously to the power of an online/phone only relationship, but you and I know it’s real.  All of you have come into contact with people here or elsewhere on the web who have touched you, and whose loss would affect you.  Deeply and truly.

I am very worried about my girl.  How does a 20 year old bounce back from losing someone…someone who she was making plans with, to see, to touch, to kiss.  And now none of that will happen.

Rest in peace, David.


2 Responses to "Ingrid"

Wow, that is so sad. We all know how important online relationships can be. I feel so bad for her. I hope her friends and family can help her recover because that is just so, so sad.

Wow.. Bummer.. I recommend alcohol lots and lots of alcohol..

Sort of reminds me of a bizarre story of my early dating years and my first serious girl friend. Nothing like calling her house to have her mom answer and go no she’s in town her boyfriend died.. Umm wtf.. No he didn’t I’m right here on the phone.. Long story short she had a very serious BF, who was in the military. He died they had agreed to see other people to make sure that when he came back in 2 years that they would get married and that he was the right one. I was one of 6 people she was dating.{real serious there} But I digress to get over her I drank a fifth of peach schnapps myself. Our kitchen never smelled so clean and peachy. But to this day I can’t smell or taste anything peach without the stomach doing flip flops and thinking back to my first serious GF. Did I get over her yea took time and for about 3 days I was to miserable to think about her just my screaming headache my upset stomach and how the kitchen was making me want to pray to the porcelain god.

Now a solution that is more mom approved, maybe a discrete phone call to the roommate is in order to see if she could hook up your daughter with someone or get her out away from the computer a little more. If it was my daughter all i could do is offer a shoulder to cry on and try and explain that broken hearts heal in time the time it takes varys and some broken hearts are worse than others. I mean common if the uber computer geek can find someone and get married twice.. There is hope for even her.

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  • TheQueen: Yeah, perhaps next year suggest you ALL just skip the adult gifts and focus on the little ones. I'm sure you won't miss it!
  • kristabella: Yay! You're back!
  • Shania Ring: Out of all of that, the only thing in my head is 20?!? Twenty? I remember a little boy in middle school when I first started reading you. Are you SURE
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