Vigorous Anonymity

Archive for the ‘Drivel’ Category

So the cruise.  I don’t want to talk about it.  It was…less than stellar.  We’ll not be repeating that.

But that’s not why I’m here.  In fact, I don’t know why I’m here.  But I’ve noticed something, and I feel inclined to comment on it.

Here it is.  NO ONE IS BLOGGING!

I have something like 150 blogs in my reader, and I swear, every day I check it, and there’s 40-something unread posts, and 38 of them are LOL-Cats.  Cats are cute and all but really…what happened to blogging?  I guess I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who gave it up for lent!

There are a few people who post all the time.   You know who you are.  But seriously, the “daily” crowd has dwindled to bi-monthly, and the bi-monthly crowd (me) has dropped off the face of the earth.

So I’m here.  Blogging.

I was blogging before it was fashionable.  No one read it, but I liked doing it. And then the revolution happened and EVERYONE had a blog, and I had a few readers, and the newness drifted away and I was just one more woman with a blog.

Not that it appears to be unfashionable again, I think my interest has been re-piqued.  I hate being a lemming.

When a baby is born in a New Jersey hospital, the parents are given a green, pink and white blanket, an ID bracelet, and a roll of quarters.  The quarters are for Parkway tolls.  Because every New Jersey kid comes with a prerequisite that its parents introduce it to the Jersey shore.

In New Jersey, we don’t go to the beach.  We go “down the shore”.  It doesn’t matter that a lot of territory that isn’t the beach also isn’t north of it.  If you live in Camden, you pretty much just drive straight across the state…still, you’re going down the shore.

I made my first trip down the shore when I was about six.  My parents took me, because, like I said, it’s a prerequisite.  If you can picture in your head the palest, most ill-equipped people to sit on a beach, you have my parents.  I’m pretty sure my father was wearing black socks.  We only went the one time, but I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was a “day trip”, we probably only spent a few hours on the beach, but Dad and I collected sea shells, which back in the 60s were in prominence on the beach, but now are incredibly rare.  I was afraid of the water (still can’t swim) but the smells and the sounds were amazing.  And once a Jersey kid experiences it, they have to refill the cup on a regular basis.  There are rules about these things.

When I was a teenager but too young to drive, I went to Seaside Heights all the time with my friend Becky because her parents were big into day trips.  We used to wear the precursor to the tankini, which was basically a little bikini bottom and what was almost a mini dress over the top.  We thought we looked awesome.

Enter the first boyfriend, he with the 1978 Firebird Formula – fire engine red, with black leather interior and the T-roof.  No air conditioning though.  Jerry regretted that a long time.  We would drive down to Belmar after he was done with work on Friday nights and we’d spend 3 hours just cruising up and down the boardwalk, winning stuffed animals and stuffing our faces with funnel cake.  The boardwalk at night was magic.  The lights, the voices, the smell of Coppertone.  Magic.

This weekend is Memorial Day, and thus the cycle begins again.  New Jersey will once again be heading down the shore.  It will be Springsteen and Southside Johnny on the iPod for as long as the kids in the back seat will allow it.  It will be the mad calculations about when to leave and how to miss the traffic and what detours to take when you get near what used to be the Garden State Arts Center but is now called the PNC something-or-other.  Because the other thing that Memorial Day brings is traffic.  Mounds and mounds of traffic.  Basically, if you have to go south in Jersey, you don’t do it on a Friday night, and if you need to come north for work on Monday, you leave 3 hours before work starts and drive straight there.  Otherwise, you’ll spend 5 hours in bumper to bumper traffic with two screaming kids in the back seat and a husband who curses at everything that moves faster than he does.

It’s a big time in Jersey.  I can’t remember a summer I didn’t spend down the shore in some fashion or another.  A day.  A weeekend…sometimes two weeks in a row if we were fortunate.  And that first smell of dead clams as you cross the causeway is worth the 5 hours it took you to make a 2 hour drive.  Trust me.  It is.

So what do you do when you have the urge to post again and it’s been 159 months since your last post?  No, seriously, I’m asking.

I’ve had the urge lately.  Not that there’s anything more interesting going on than a bladder infection and a 19 year old daughter home for the summer, but…I dunno…I think it’s interesting.  Mayhap others will too??

So I’m just going to go with the urge like I posted yesterday.  Catch up, if you can.  (Also, I believe in posting like someone is going to read it even though probably no one is!  It’s the optimist in me.)

I’m sitting at my desk today, and my boss is out.  I have like 2 things to do.  Two Things!  And they’ve been sitting here since Monday morning because, I dunno about you, but if I’m not so busy I can’t take time to wipe my butt, then I can’t get anything done.  I just keep pushing these Two Things from one side of my desk to another.  Occasionally I send someone an email about them.  And then I shuffle them again.  It’s a system.

I am in desperate need of a couple of days off.  Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for Memorial Day – a holiday I understand, but frankly never have plans for and thus always feel left out of something on Monday morning.  But it will be a much needed respite.  I was transferred a month ago to our main office because my boss needed to learn how to use email and the commute was an hour and fifteen minutes one way on a good day.  I really only had about 5 good days in the month I was there, though.  One night, it took me four hours to get home.  Why, yes, I did stop at a friend’s house mid-commute for a glass of wine, but you would have done the same.  Don’t judge me.

I have lots more to talk about, but you know how it goes.  This white page stares at me and sucks all my cogent thoughts out of my fingertips.  I hate when that happens.

So 2009, you’re almost out of ass-kicking steam, aren’t you.  Feeling small in the window?  Got any big plans for tomorrow night?  Something along the lines of a terrorist attack or a stock-market crash?  Oh wait, you already did all those!  Bless your cold, raisin-like heart.

Actually, I shouldn’t complain, 2009 was not a bad year for those at Chez Anonymity.  We had a lovely Christmas, if you peel away like a bruised banana skin the screaming college student and the speeding ticket and the dead battery and the menstruating.  Other than that, it was nice.  Quiet.  Exhausting.

So here we are at the cusp of a new year.  Blue moon tomorrow night, I hear.  I guess that’s why I decided to post today.  You know, once in a blue moon…

Okay that was lame.  But I am finding I miss it.  I am reading you all again.  And you are inspiring me to write.  And maybe it’s time to take some pictures and put them up here, I dunno.  Daring, am I not?

Anyway, 2010 is going to be the year I conquer awesomeness.  I almost have it down pat…just need a couple of tweaks here and there.  I’ll keep you posted.  Oh look, a pun.  Heh.  Yeah, I’m dreadfully out of practice.

Hope you all had a delightful holiday season and are looking forward to conquering awesomeness in your own ways in 2010.  Onward!

…a meme appears!  Yay for Mrs. Chili.

1. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet? Oh yes.  In fact, she’s sitting about 6 feet away from me right now.

2. How do you flush the toilet in public? The only public ones I ever use are the ones at work and they flush when you move.  They also flush when you breathe, flush when you sneeze, and flush if you even think about flushing.  Added to the faucet that turns on automatically when you put your hand under it and then doesn’t stop running at full speed for 3 minutes, I think we’re doing our share for the environment!

3. Do you wear your seat belt in the car? Mostly.  (sooo ashamed).  Lately, I’ve taken to driving the distance between my office and the mall right next door without it.  But can I just say in my defense – I am only navigating a parking lot.  No major streets.

4. Do you have a crush on someone? Sigh…I wish I could answer no…

5. Name one thing you worry about running out of. There are several. Toilet paper.  Bathroom Dixie cups.  Butter.  Wine.  Not necessarily in that order.

6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble? When I was young, it was Linda Ronstadt, but now it’s more like Phyllis Diller

7. What is your favourite pizza topping? Bacon!

8. Do you crack your knuckles? I do it when my fingers ache, thinking that what i need is a good cracking to loosen them up and then they just hurt more.  Because I’m stupid like that.

9. What song do you hate the most? There is a new Alice in Chains song that my fave radio station is playing incessantly and I actually have to turn the station when it comes on.  HEAD ACHE!

10. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head? Luckily, no, because it’s so dischordant I couldn’t possibly hear it in my head anyway.  It has no melody.

11. What are your super powers? I think I get people.  I get why they do things.  What makes them tick.  It’s a blessing and a curse.

12. Peppermint or spearmint? Spearmint.  Wintergreen, if I have a choice.

13. Where are your car keys? That’s an excellent question

14. Last song you listened to? The iPod is on and playing Achilles Last Stand by Zeppelin.

15. What’s your most annoying habit? I clear my throat a lot.  Drives Jackass pretty crazy.

16. Where did you last go on vacation? Stupid question.  It’s always the frigging shore.  But NOT NEXT YEAR!

17. What is your best physical feature? My eyes.

18. What CD is closest to you right now?I don’t know what this means.  Closest in proximity?  Like I could reach up and touch it.  None.  Closest as in – I must listen every day?  None.  I like random/shuffle.  But if I had to choose, I’d say August and Everything After by the Counting Crows.

19. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator? Wine, butter and cheese.  I know how to live.

20. What superstition do you believe/practice? I ALWAYS knock wood.  ALWAYS.

21. What colour are your bed sheets? Dark blue.

22. Would you rather be a fish or a bird? I can’t swim, so I guess I better go with bird, but that flying thing looks pretty freaky.

23. Last thing you broke? A nail.

24. What are you having to eat tonight? I think I’ll be making Chicken Parm tonight.

25. What colour shirt are you wearing? Salmon.

26. If you could be doing anything else today, what would you rather be doing? I would be home, attempting to clean my house, and playing a video game.  Sad, I know.

27. Do security cameras make you nervous? What video camera?  ::cue scary music::

28. If you wrote a book about your life, what would the title be? Running With Scissors.

29. Last time you went to a cemetery? Jeez.  I guess 16 years ago when my mother died.  But I have a weird fascination with them.  When I drive by I try to read all the names I can.

30. Last concert you went to? Keane at Radio City Music Hall.

31. Favourite musician(s)/bands you’ve seen in concert? Elton/Billy.  Jimmy Buffet.  Fleetwood Mac.  I’m lame.  But I am going to see Neko Case next month!

32. Next concert you’re planning to attend? Oh.  OK, so I’m going to see Neko Case next month!

33. Do you talk to yourself? Constantly.  First of all, I practice every conversation I might ever have with any individual I might ever have it with out loud.  And I keep up a steady dialog while I work.  It can be maddening to those around me.

34. Have you ever adopted or purchased a pet? I have done both with varying results.  As some of you well know.

35. Have you ever been present when an animal is being born? Yes!  Our first dog, Sable the Wonderdog, had two litters of puppies, both by C-section and when you do that you have to bring an army of people to help rescucitate the pups because the anesthesia knocks them out too.  Which is unfortunately why her entire second litter was still-born and nothing we did could bring them back.  It was devestating.

So that was fun.  Now back to your regular programming.

I hate it when I can’t think of anything to write about.  Hate. It.  I know stuff has happened.  Hell, I don’t live in a vacuum.  Now that I think about it, vacuum is neither a noun nor a verb in my life, as evidenced by the amount of cat hair accumulating on my carpet.

The lack of meaty topic leaves me with but one choice:  BULLETS!

  • My daughter has been home from college once since August 30th.  ONCE!  And she brought her roommate home with her.  And when she went back to school after that weekend she said, “Is it ok if I don’t come home again until Thanksgiving?”  IS IT OK???  After I finished tap dancing across the kitchen (ignoring the crunching sound of kitty kibble under my feet because…again…no vacuuming), I said “Of course it’s ok.”  And then I took over her bedroom and began redecorating.
  • Despite everything I read that says 17-year old children should not get a car on their birthday, my son is determined and adamant.  He does not find me funny when I tell him we will start shopping for a car sometime in the Spring (his birthday is in December).  I should add he has saved his own money for this purchase, which I have agreed to match, so I feel sort of lame telling him he can’t have the car he’s been saving for for 2 years.
  • I bought a new video game yesterday and it took me four hours to load it on my computer because it seems in addition to said video game, one must also have accounts with two, seemingly-unrelated websites (Steam and Windows Games Live or something like that) and both of them needed to be downloaded, and then updated, and then redownloaded and then blah blah blah.  By the time I finished all the loading I was too tired to play the game so I just went to bed.
  • Today, one of my supervisors sent me an email asking me if I wanted to add anything to a form she is creating which I will basically be the only one using.  So I sent her an email saying we should add “X” and I got back an email saying that was too complicated.  And I send another email saying we probably also need “Y” and got back another email saying we would do that on a case by case basis.  And then I sent her a third email asking her why she bothered asking me for my input.  I put a smiley face at the end of that sentence, but I’m thinking I may have stepped over the line anyway.
  • My hair is too short and it’s making me unhappy.
  • It will grow, but I can tell by the way that it was cut it will only get poofy, not longer.
  • There is a Halloween store that only opens up seasonally in a vacant store in a strip mall near work.  Right next to that is a season Christmas decoration store.  Am I the only one who finds this offensive?

OK, I got nothing else.  Something needs to happen to me soon.  Or not.

Dear Bank::

We have loved our time with you.  It’s hard to say that about a bank, but I say it proudly.  I have even converted a few non-believers in my time as one of your customers.  You have, without question, been the most convenient of all the banks I’ve ever known.  You’re open on Sundays!  You clear all checks within 24 hours.  You’ll even cash a check for more than I have in my account…sometimes…if I get the right teller.

And then the unthinkable happened.  You merged with a “less convenient bank”.  And my world has tilted on its axis.

Gone are the quick clearing checks!  Now you hold them forever – even when they’re government checks.  Gone are the friendly tellers who just want to please and in place of them are the robots who stamp NO MONEY FOR YOU on their foreheads and decline every request.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, though, it did.  Your on-line banking system changed, and while I used to be able to see the name of every vendor presented via my debit card, now it takes you 4 days to input that info.  4 days???  Do you know the damage that can be done to someone’s checking account in 4 DAYS??

But today was the kicker.  Today is the 30th.  Today is payday.  Today is “direct deposit day”.  And yet, when I checked my balance on-line today, no direct deposit was listed.  I called your 800 number, but continuously received a “Your call cannot be completed at this time.” message.  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one dismayed!

Finally, I got through!  To the bitchiest bitch I have ever had to deal with at the bank.

Her:  “Your direct deposit will be available after 4pm.”

Me:  “But that’s unacceptable.  That’s an entire business day.  You can’t just hold onto a direct deposit for a full day.”

Her:  “You’ll have your direct deposit after 4pm.”

Me:  “4PM is too late in the day for most of the on-line bills I pay.  If I don’t pay them by 3pm they post on the next day, hence they are late!  This isn’t right!”

Her:  “Look, ma’am, we upgraded our computer systems over the weekend.  Your direct deposit will be available after 4pm.”

Me:  “Are you telling me this is a one-time thing?  Next time, it will be back to normal?”

Her:  (heaving great sigh) “Yes.”

Me:  “Well you might have told me that in the first place, instead of giving me attitude.  Can I have your name please?”

Her:  (click)

So, convenient bank, we are at a crossroads.  Either things improve or I must leave you.  I am saddened to the core.

Sincerely,

She who doesn’t like change when it’s not for the better.



  • None
  • TheQueen: Yeah, perhaps next year suggest you ALL just skip the adult gifts and focus on the little ones. I'm sure you won't miss it!
  • kristabella: Yay! You're back!
  • Shania Ring: Out of all of that, the only thing in my head is 20?!? Twenty? I remember a little boy in middle school when I first started reading you. Are you SURE