Vigorous Anonymity

Archive for the ‘These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things’ Category

Oh my.  I had no idea.  Really, I didn’t.

Oh sure I’ve heard you all glom on and on about how much FUNNN your new Wii console is, and how much TOGETHERNESSSS you’ve found as a family, but I paid you no mind.  I, in fact, pooh-poohed your claims as ignorant.  I mean, do any of YOU have a level 60 World of Warcraft Paladin?  Yeah, that’s what I thought.  So what could you possibly know about video games.

But then I had a weak moment in which I whipped out my MasterCard and bought the family that sleek white box and we were transformed.

Have you all seen the commercial where the teenage boy ignores his friends beeping in the car outside so he can play one more game of Wii tennis with his little sister?

Yeah, ok, that didn’t happen, but STILL!  There was much huddling around the television and much accidental throwing of nunchuks at bric-a-brac.  It really was quite enjoyable.

And now I am in the market for a fitness type game, so if anyone has any suggestions, make them now.  Wii Fit Jenny McCarthy’s game? Or is there a great one you know of that I’ve missed.

What an interesting evening.

Jackass and I left directly from work, and for the first time ever, we took the ferry from Weehawken to Manhattan.  Everyone always raves about them, but we’ve never done it, and it’s really silly not to.  Still, we got stuck in traffic getting to the ferry, but the ride across the Hudson is delightful and picturesque and everyone should do it.  One of the things it is not however, is cheap.  It costs just as much as driving in and parking, but it’s less filling.  Or tastes great.  Either way, it’s a win.

While standing in line to buy our ferry tickets, a 40ish year old man got in line behind me, and started chewing some sweet, sickening smelling chewing wad like a cow chews its cud.  It was absolutely disgusting on so many sensory levels:  it smelled horrible, it looked nasty and the sound was making me nauseous.  If he’d been 15 I’d have given him the benefit of the doubt, but come on, seriously?  Oral fixation, much?

After the ferry ride, we hopped on a free shuttle bus to mid-town as if we were commuters and knew what we were doing.  We were awesome.

Guess who sat in the aisle across from us.  Go ‘head.  Yup, Gumby.  And you know how I knew it was him.  By the enormous snapping bubble he blew with his disgusting pink bubblegum cud-wad.  I had to restrain Jackass, who was just itching to punch him in the face everytime he blew a bubble.

We were meeting some friends at a restaurant near the theater, which happened to be right next door to The David Letterman Show.  I’m not kidding, it’s so right next door I almost walked into the theater instead of the restaurant.  People were milling about outside taking their pictures with the marquis in the background like tourists.  I refrained.  I wish I hadn’t.  By the way, Angelo’s in mid-town NY?  Best.Fettucine.Carbonara.Ever.

So far, it’s a nice evening right?

We got to the theater – where, sidebar, we knew one of the performers and the costumer is one of Jackass’ best friend’s son.  We found our seats…middle section, 20 rows back, middle of the aisle!  AWESOME!  We sat down.  There was a man two rows in front of me who was kind of tall, and of course, his head was smack in the middle of the stage for me, but I could crane around him and it was ok.  Then the occupants of the two seats directly in front of us showed up.

He was 6’6″.  Had to be.  And equally as broad.  I have never seen so big a man.  His head took up the entire right side of the stage (KJ, if the set design was the same as when you saw it, I had no view of the stairs that the actors kept going up and down.)  So coupled with the guy two rows in front whose head blocked the center of the stage, and the guy in front of us who blocked the entire right, I couldn’t see shit.  In fact, at the end of the show, during the standing ovation, some actor let out an amazing note and I have no idea who it was cause I couldn’t see anything.  Just the red checked shirt of the guy in front of me.

Seated directly to my left, however, was a friendly looking man, who I assumed was with the people to HIS left.  He was not.  As it turned out, he was alone.  We had a lovely chat.  He’s from Canada – Edmonton, Alberta to be exact, and it was his first visit to NY, and he’d been to see Wicked, In The Heights, and two others I can’t remember, and Jersey Boys was his fifth play in 5 days.  His partner couldn’t make the trip so he was alone.

We talked a little about health care (it’s what I do) and about the theater, and about Canada and about the fact that he’s a barrister and I work for a lawyer, and 20 minutes into it, I thought, this is silly, and I held out my hand and introduced myself.

“So, hi!  My name is Candy!”

…..

::blink::

…..

A timid, “Seriously?”  And his eyes filled with a look I didn’t recognize.  I still don’t know what it was…a cross between incredulity and fear I guess.

“Yes, seriously,” I laughed.

He hesitantly took my hand, shook it and said, “Rod.”

“Nice to meet you, Rod from Alberta,” I said.  And then the lights went down and the show started and that was that.

At intermission, I leaned over to Rod from Alberta, and asked him what he thought of the show.  “Super!” he said.  And then he excused himself to go do whatever you do in the lobby of a NY theater.

We didn’t leave, we just stayed put…the crush is unbearable at those things and I for once didn’t have to pee.  But I was sitting forward in my seat because I knew Rod from Alberta would be back and I’d have to stand to let him through.

And then the lights lowered for Act II.  And 15 minutes went by, and then 30, and then I realized…

ROD FROM ALBERTA WAS NEVER COMING BACK.

I’m trying not to take this personally.  Trying and failing.  Rod from Alberta, what did I dooooo???

p.s.  Show was awesome, even with understudies..  I highly recommend.

Last week, I bought this very adorable (I thought) jacket at my new favorite store.  I have never shopped there before because their sizing was intimidating.  How do I know if I’m a 2.5 or a 3?  It’s hard enough admitting what size I really am, let alone having it converted to the metric system.

But I used to walk by this store and think how purty their stuff was (and how pricey!) so one night, when I was really desperate for a couple of pairs of slacks that actually fit me, I went in and gave myself up to the salespeople.  Turns out I’m a 2.5, and they carry “short” slacks.  I am now officially in love.

Back to the story, I bought a jacket.  And I frankly think it’s smashing.  It’s got a 3/4 sleeve, and it’s sort of a metallic looking thing, but it’s actually made of linen – with some sort of coating on it to give it the metallic look and to make it sort of…um…coated?  Here, I’ll show you:

Jacket 001

There’s a reason for the face.

I wore it to work last Friday, because I was planning to go to that pseudo-reunion and it looks really cute with a nice pair of jeans (also bought from Chico’s.  They call them “Skinny Jeans”.  What’s not to love??)

The jacket was a little much for the office, I admit.  But I wore it with an awesome pair of brown twill slacks and a nice little turtleneck shell under it and I thought it was great.  And then the men in the office saw it.  Let me share with you the comments:

“Where did you get that, from the set of Miami Vice?”

“Hey, look, it’s Erik Estrada.”

“Nice raincoat.”

“Do you have a walk-on with the Giants this weekend?”

and my favorite…

“I didn’t know you were a volunteer fireman.”

It went on all day.  ALL. FUCKING. DAY.  And then one of them whispered, soto voce, to the other, “That jacket is going to the back of the closet.  We’ll never see it again.”

And damn them.  They’re so right.

My feet are so pissed off right now!

Yesterday, it was a balmy 72 degrees here in NJ and, as I am wont to do, I left home wearing these:

reefs

OK, well not exactly these, but as close as I could come on their website.  Are they not fabulous?  My particular brand are actually brown and pink, and the upper part is neoprene which hugs your feet and never slips or causes blisters.  I can walk 5 miles in these suckers.  And the best part?  Ohhhh the best part!  On the bottom is a small indentation and inside that indentation is a square piece of metal.  It is…wait for it…a bottle opener.  Yes, ladies and ladies, I have a bottle opener on the bottom of my flip flops.  I highly recommend it, guaranteed to get your name to the top of any guest list.

But alas, I woke up this morning and it was pouring and the thermometer in the kitchen said 54 degrees.  54???  WTF?  Did NJ get moved to Nova Scotia when I wasn’t looking?

So today I had no choice.  I put my Reefs away for the day and I pulled out these:

boots

Oh.  And socks.  Because I have to wear socks with them.

Socks and boots.  My toes are all scrunched.  My ankles are imprisoned.

They are not pleased.

Ahh, Project Runway, how I have missed you.  And may I just take a moment and thank you, THANK YOU, for changing almost nothing in your move from Bravo to Lifetime.  While the venue was different – and clearly “Mood Fabrics” LA-style lacked a little of the mystique of the New York store with it’s nearly opaque windows and faded fabrics behind them that have probably been there for 100 years – I hardly noticed.  I am surprised, however, that your judges opted to vote out the crazy on the first round!  Anyone who can make a halter-diaper should at least continue to entertain us through week 4, before being booted.

And let me also thank you for the 2 hours before hand, in which Santino Rice once again proved what an ass he is.  Because there was a time, right after his very brilliant Fashion Week show, when I was softening up to him.  But his antics last night reminded me in living color that he is a sociopath.  I’m glad he didn’t win. (Still trying to figure out how he managed to find a dog in the Mood Fabric store – he didn’t appear to have one when he got there, but he had one when he left!  That store must sell everything!)

And how awesome is that Chris March?  Sleeping through model auditions!  Sleeping sitting up.  Sleeping standing up.  Sleeping lying down.  And still – top 4!  Eat that, Santino.  I love that Chris.

I only have two words of criticism, P-Ject.  They are – Sweet P.  Because – really?

Anyway, I’m so glad you’re back.  Can scarcely wait for the episode in which the contestant/designers will be asked to create an evening look out of dental floss.  Leading to the inevitable question – waxed or unwaxed?



  • None
  • TheQueen: Yeah, perhaps next year suggest you ALL just skip the adult gifts and focus on the little ones. I'm sure you won't miss it!
  • kristabella: Yay! You're back!
  • Shania Ring: Out of all of that, the only thing in my head is 20?!? Twenty? I remember a little boy in middle school when I first started reading you. Are you SURE