Vigorous Anonymity

Archive for the ‘Why It Sucks Being Me’ Category

2PM – Expected snowstorm begins.

4PM – I leave work early, since my boss is off for the day.  In my defense, I emailed him to say I was doing so.  He did not reply in a timely enough fashion to alter my plans, so I left.

7:30PM – I arrived home, having managed to stretch a 30 minute ride into a 210 minute ride.  That’s talent, people.

7:30 – 7:40 PM – I sat on the toilet and cried.  It just came out in great hulking sobs as the anxiety of the 3 1/2 hour ride home and the many near death experiences washed over me.  (And could someone please explain why men in huge pick up trucks think it’s ok to be assholes on the roads?)

7:40 – 7:50 PM – Listened to Morris’ tale of snow woe, as he had been forced to abandon his car about 5 blocks from our house and walk home.  However, before he got out of his car, he watched a 3-car accident occur (with the final destruction being wreaked by a guy in a huge pick up truck).

7:50 – 9:00 PM – Watched a really bad movie, the name of which escapes me.  Morris expressed displeasure over how oily everyone was.  If that helps to narrow down what movie it was.

9:00 – 12:00PM – Freaked the fuck out over Rakeman (the mentally challenged man across the street) who used a snowblower for 3 hours when I just wanted to go to sleep.  Made numerous calls to the police, who did drive-by’s but little else.

12:00 – 2:15 AM – Slept, until I was awakened by a text from our Office Manager indicating our building had lost power.  Said a silent prayer that I might get an extra hour of sleep in the morning.

2:15 – 2:36 AM – Slept, until my cell phone rang.  It was the police, not wanting to discuss Rakeman, but rather perturbed about Morris’ car that they had stumbled across.  We had 2 choices – come get it now, or pick it up at the tow company’s lot in the morning.  Price undisclosed.  I said tow it.  Jackass jumped out of bed and ran for his boots.

2:36AM – 3:30AM – Drove to Morris’ car, shoveled Morris’ car out of ditch, and then drove home.  Upon arrival, listened to Jackass scream at the top of his lungs over his missing wallet which was sitting on the table 2 feet away from him.

3:30 AM – 4:30 AM – Tossed and turned fitfully, certain I would not sleep again this night.

4:30 AM – 6:15AM – Miraculously, slept, until awakened by a text from a co-worker wondering if I was going to work, because of the power thing.

6:16 AM – Gave up any further attempts at sleep.

It is now 4:11 PM and I am almost blind, I’m so tired.  I anticipate having to spend another 10 minutes on the toilet tonight, sobbing.  And only 363 days till next Christmas!

On December 29th, I ordered some stuff from a company called Junonia.  (I’m purposely not linking because I don’t want to promote them…google it if you must.)

We were planning a ski trip for the following week, and I have an awful time buying coats that are appropriate for skiing, because I’m short and squat.  I need something that gets all the way around my middle (which is my biggest problem) and if you’re going to be skiing you really want it to zip, not just hang there looking too small.  So Junonia sells plus size stuff, albeit not petite-plus size stuff, so I took a chance on a jacket they had and a fleece sweater.

I paid for two day shipping ($26!!!) because I needed to know if it was going to fit before the trip, so that if it didn’t I could still shop for something locally.  That meant the item should have arrived on December 31st, or at the latest, I was going to give them to Saturday, January 2nd. I received email confirmation and an order number.

Saturday came and went, and no package arrived.  They also hadn’t charged me for the order ($179.89!!!) so I was a little concerned.  I called them up and asked them to follow up on it.  And I was told they had no record of my order.

“But you sent me an email with an order number,” I argued.  They said they had no record of my order.  They said that over and over again.  And I kept saying, but you confirmed it, and you have my debit card info.  And they kept saying, whatever, but we have no record of your order so we’re certainly not going to charge you for an order we don’t have.  And I said, “But I needed the items last week so I don’t want them anymore, so cancel my order.”  And they said, “We have no record of your order, so there’s nothing to cancel.”

A week later they charged my card (and since it’s a debit, my checking account) for $179.89.

Livid, I called their customer service department and spoke to a very nice lady who actually got on the phone with my bank and had them reverse it.  She apologized, and she canceled the order that didn’t exist.  Some computer glitch – some turnover of customer service, whatever.  All was well.

I think it’s important to note here that, while they did indeed charge my card, they never sent the package.

So all was well until the following Monday, January 18th.  When they charged my card again.  Only this time, the customer service people were all “There’s nothing we can do, just refuse the order when it arrives.”  Which means that I might get the money back sometime in February.

My bank filed a “Regulation E” which takes like 10 days before they can do anything about it, but meanwhile, I got the number for their actual offices and called and spoke to a woman who was attempting to help me.  She listened to my sad tale of woe, and basically came back a day later to leave a voicemail on my phone saying there was nothing she could do but she’d give me a discount on a future purchase.

So I called her back, and when I couldn’t reach her, left her my own voicemail telling her how completely unacceptable that was, and that I was not going to take that as the answer.

The next day, Friday, she left me another voicemail telling me she was overnighting me a check for $179.89 and that that should settle the matter.  I would have the check Saturday.

Friday night, their customer service department reversed the debit, and the amount was credited back into my account.  Then the check came Monday, not Saturday.

I didn’t cash the check…I didn’t think it was right for me to do that, when they had credited me the amount.  It’s sitting on my dining room table.

Can I mention?  I still haven’t received the package, even though they charged my card on January 18 and I PAID $26 FOR TWO DAY SHIPPING!

Anyway, they reversed the charge, and sent me a check I was going to destroy, but a little bird told me not to.  Just wait, it tweeted.  So I waited a day.

And today they charged my account again for $179.89 and overdrafted my fucking checking account (tomorrow is payday, what can I say…we live day to day over here).

I just got off the phone with Janet from another Planet at Junonia.  She is apologetic.  But has no idea how to help me.  She’s “working on it.”  Meanwhile, these fucks have my debit card number, and continue to charge me whenever they want.  I’m going to have to go and cancel it, and thus cancel all my revolving bill paying that I have in place and totally fuck things up because of this DAMNED COMPANY.

AND I STILL HAVE NO PACKAGE!

2 DAY SHIPPING?  BITE ME

JUNONIA?  BITE ME!

Sigh…I wrote a post that disappeared and I don’t even remember what I wrote about.  That’s pretty sad.

So you know I don’t talk about work much around here (are you listening Kristin?) but there’s some stuff going on and I’m unsettled about it.

Friday night, my friend, She Who Reads This Blog (SWRTB), and I went out after work for drinks and for the first time ever, we were joined by the Vice President of another department and his staff of salesmen.  These guys are the “cool kids”, the ones you WANT to go out for drinks with.  They’re young, fun and irreverent and I adore them.  I’ve always thought I belonged in that department and not the one I’m in because I spoke their language.  But alas, I am stuck in Legal…yawwwwwn…

Anyway…the VP eventually works his way over to me and very matter-of-factly tells me to be prepared, because he’s planning to swap his assistant out for me.  And then my brain exploded.

I had already had two glasses of wine at this point, and was working on my third, so I’m a little twitchy about the details, but he and his assistant have been at odds for some time now.  Last week he asked me if I would be her back-up because she’s been taking a lot of time off and leaving them unsupported.  I guess that was the precursor to this.

So I’m excited about the prospect and the possibility and terrified about the implications.  First, I don’t know how I feel about getting a job at someone else’s expense.  I mean, his assistant and I are office friends.  We chat at the water cooler.  She complains about her bosses to me.  And I now know that her boss is planning to get rid of her, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with that.  If the situation was reversed I’d want her to tell me so I could get my ducks in a row.  But I’m at a loss.

SWRTB tells me to “go to the mattresses.”  It’s business, not pleasure.  And I mostly agree…but part of me feels icky.

What do you think?

I said I was going to post more in 2010 and I’m already screwing that up.  This is why I don’t make New Year’s resolutions.

Seriously though, I have a head cold.  And while I am the same time praising my own foresight for having gotten a flu shot last month, and the fact that this does not indeed seem to be the flu, I still have a head cold.  And it’s beating the shit out of me.

Last night, in desperation, I took two Mucinex in an attempt to clear up my sinuses.  An hour later, I still couldn’t breathe.

So, I pulled my neti pot out of the cabinet and found the salt for it.  I mixed the warm water with the salt and applied same to the right nostril, praying that the water would actually flow out the left nostril (even though I hadn’t been able to breathe through it in six hours) and not, as I was fearing, drown me instead.  Success!  Somehow the water worked its way through a sea of congestion that air could not penetrate.  Repeat opposite nostrils…again success!  In 20 minutes I was breathing like…a person who can breathe!

Then at 10:30 I took some crack (some call it NyQuil) and went to bed, hoping to wake in the morning to bluebirds and sunshine.

Instead, I woke up at 1AM, jittery, congested and with a song in my head that right now I can’t remember.  Fucking ear worms.  I guess the Mucinex and the NyQuil don’t like each other, and started a war in my brain.

I was up until about 5:30 when, magically, my left sinus opened and sweet air flowed in freely.  I fell asleep for the remaining 75 minutes of my night, and got up at 6:45, still congestion free.  I took a shower, and then, because I was so impressed with what the neti pot had accomplished, I rinsed again.

My left sinus immediately closed up and has been that way ever since.  I hate to declare defeat, but I think I’m giving neti a funeral tonight.

Ingrid’s roommate has swine flu.  They’re sending the kid home for a week, but Ingrid and the remaining 2 roommates will stay behind in the infestation.  Excellent.

Morris and I have both had the seasonal flu shot, but no one else in the family has.  Ingrid is supposed to have one before she can start her clinicals next semester but the school ran out, as have all the pharmacies and doctors in the area, and at home as well.  I’m not sure what she’s supposed to do about next year.  I’m frankly more worried about this week.

I emailed Jackass and he told me the school he teaches at has 16 confirmed cases of swine flu, and another 50 unconfirmed.  They’re unconfirmed because Horizon doesn’t cover the cost of the nose swab they use to confirm it, so those parents opt out of it because the treatment is the same.  But that’s 66 kids in a rural Northern New Jersey high school with swine flu.  Moderately troubling.

And Jackass is one of the ones in the family who hasn’t gotten a seasonal or H1N1 shot yet.  Are you liking our odds?  Anyone want to go for a long car ride with me?  I didn’t think so.

This year is my 30th high school reunion.  Gad.

I went to my 25th with my bff from high school, Cheryl.  But she lives in squallor in upper New York state and I don’t think she can afford the gas to come down this year.  Which is frankly just as well, because opening the door to that friendship was like opening Pandora’s Box.  Cheryl and I hadn’t spoken in years before the reunion, and afterwards she called me every 2 days to tell me how much she hated her husband, how much her friggin’ kids were driving her crazy, and how hot her new lover was.

So you’ll forgive me if I don’t want to revisit that.

I’ve decided I’m not attending my 30th.  I just saw these people 5 years ago, and honestly, with the exception of the guy who hugged me like he should have hugged me in 1979, I don’t really want to see any of those people again so soon.

But I did sign up for Classmates a while back, and because the reunion is looming, every day I get another email telling me “so and so” has joined Classmates, and sent you a message and blah blah blah.

Dudes?  I have no idea who these people are.  So far I’ve gotten 47 emails about people joining Classmates from the class of ’79 and not a single one of them rings a bell.  I know I wasn’t a “cool kid” in high school, but I would have said back then I knew who every one of my classmates was.  Apparently, I was wrong.

It leaves me with only one question left to ask.  Who are these people?

Today I got a chain letter in the mail from my direct supervisor at work.  It’s one of those recipe exchange things, like the cookie recipe or the dishtowel thing, where you’re supposed to send it to 20 friends, and add your name to the bottom of the list, and eventually you’ll get 180 dishtowels.  Or something.

Anyway, my boss sent it to me.  She was the second person on the list, so if I hadn’t sent it out, she wouldn’t have gotten any recipes.  And she would have known I was the problem. SO I HAD NO CHOICE!

But the damned thing was supposed to be sent to 20 PEOPLE!  20!!!  Dudes, I don’t know 20 women’s emails off the top of my head…most people correspond through Facebook these days and their emails aren’t glaringly obvious anymore.  Besides that, I DON’T HAVE 20 FRIENDS!  Seriously…I really don’t know 20 women in real life that I could send that to.

Because she’s my boss, she’d already sent it to all the people we work with and are friendly enough with that they won’t be offended.  So I had to come up with 20 real people not connected through work.

I got to about 13 and then I was just stumped.  And so I did it.  I added the names of my blog friends.  I’M SO ASHAMED.

I hope you’ll forgive me, but this was job preservation at it’s most basic.



  • None
  • TheQueen: Yeah, perhaps next year suggest you ALL just skip the adult gifts and focus on the little ones. I'm sure you won't miss it!
  • kristabella: Yay! You're back!
  • Shania Ring: Out of all of that, the only thing in my head is 20?!? Twenty? I remember a little boy in middle school when I first started reading you. Are you SURE